The information I seek is not just any kind of information, but it obviously has to be connected to my interests in self improvement, so the first criteria is that it must be something I can relate to at my current level of consciousness and something I feel I can use and act on.

What is interesting is that even with that much information in my brain, it’s good for nothing if I don’t apply it and act on it in some way. And here is the difficult part, making the shift from knowing to doing. It is so easy to know a lot of things, but actually implementing it and act on this information and knowledge is where the bridge is sometimes broken.

To get an idea of what I am talking about, imagine a bridge, a large bridge, one which is long enough so you can’t jump across it. The bridge is surrounded by the sea, so you can imagine any large bridge which is there to connect land. In the middle of this bridge, part of it is missing, so you can’t cross the bridge, you can’t jump across or walk or drive around it, you are stuck, you can’t move forward. You could go back, and try to find another bridge, but what if you can’t cross the next bridge you find either and so forth. You could go home, but you know that the other side of the bridge offers you what you always wanted, so you could never rest, because you couldn’t be content with that knowledge and knowing you could never get it, so you set out to figure out what you should do to patch the bridge so you can cross it.

This untiring search for more information and knowledge is what this is about. It is about finding the missing link to connect what you know with taking action on it and walking the talk. This is not an easy quest, as I will describe later.

Slowly you will begin to see patterns and possibilities for patching the bridge but the catch is that the patch, which will bring you to the other side of the bridge, is invisible while you are patching the bridge, so you can’t see it’s being reconnected, and trying to cross the invisible patch may send you straight in to the sea and you may drown, so you are too scared of even trying to cross. Only when you have reached the point when your knowledge has become an integral part of you and you are able to act on your knowledge on a consistent basis, will the patch on the bridge apprear clear and you can walk across it.

For many years I have been trying to patch the bridges in different areas of my life and some are closer to being connected than others and others again have already been connected. The thing is that much of it comes down to how we were raised. What was said and done to us have a huge influence on how slow or how fast we are able to connect and cross the bridges.

Let me give you an example. I was raised by wonderful parents who loved me and did the very best they could to give me a good start in life. In addition to giving me love, attention etc etc. they also passed on beliefs about life in general and about specific things that they believed to be true, either through own experience or through their parents, grandparents, teachers, society and others who had an impact on their lives. The problem is that some of these beliefs might have been true for them, but might not be true for those who they passed these beliefs to. You see when we are children, up until 6 years of age, we are like sponges, we absorb everything that goes on around us, we take over the beliefs that others around us believe and the programs they are running, because we observe and feel it by the way they treated us and others.

As adults we run the same programs as we were raised with and without being aware of it, it’s impossible to change those beliefs and programs. As an example, this means that if our mother or father had a tendency to nag at us all the time to do things, when we were kids, we will treat our own kids the same way. It’s like a tape recorder that is being played over and over again, which we cannot interrupt, because it sits in our subconscious mind. To interrupt this tape recorder, we need to become aware and be able to identify the moments when we are running the tape recorder and stop up and ask ourselves, if we really believe that this way of treating our children is the right way to get them to do the things we want them to do.

This of course requires a lot of self insight and a lot of knowledge about alternative ways of raising children, so first step is to read good books about raising children, so you know there are other ways to raise your children, if you find that you are not getting the outcome you wish and if you are tired of having to nag at your children and not seeing any effect.

But connecting this knowledge with the bridge we imagined earlier, is the challenge, because in the heat of the moment, or if we are tired, stressed, angry or just not present and aware, the tape recorder takes over the show, because it’s easier, whereas being aware needs conscious effort which is tiring.

For a long time, many years in fact, I have struggled to ignore my tape recorder and challenged my beliefs and it’s an ongoing effort, as our subconscious mind is ever so strong, but it’s possible to change the paradigms – programs and beliefs – if you know how to and make a conscious effort continuously and don’t give up when it gets challenging.

It’s easy to notice what others do wrong, and it’s getting easier to recognise where I go wrong, but without awareness we won’t improve our abilities to be better parents and break free from our past beliefs and programs and the tape recorder, which might not serve us now, especially not if our beliefs are limiting us from progressing in the areas of our life that we want to.

I don’t believe in nagging at my children so I don’t nag, but I try to find other ways to motivate them to do what they are supposed to do. One of my children is self driven and pro-active, so there is no need for monitoring or motivation, as it happens naturally, but my other child needs constant reminding and monitoring and it takes a completely different set of communication skills and mentoring approach to see the results we want, because the parenting style we were raised with is not effective or sufficient today and much more self awareness is required of us to be able to teach and enable our child to do well.

All children are different and therefore need to be treated differently to bring out the best in them. One child can be sensitive while the other child is not, and therefore the same style of parenting doesn’t work on both children and different approaches are needed, but it’s challenging for parents beause we need to learn completely new methods, while at the same time trying to tame the lion, our sub conscious mind, which will fight against us trying to do things in a new and different way, which I might write about another day.

So tying it all together, in my experience it’s a long journey and process to cross the bridge from running the tape recorder to becoming aware consciously of what we are doing on a subconscious level to shifting and changing the paradigms (past beliefs and programs) to actually start running new programs based on new beliefs and knowledge, which serve us and our children better.

In celebration of awareness and progress,

Ghita

It is a very sad day, because the world has lost one of the most brilliant, creative and innovative human beings, who brought the personal computer to the masses, in to our homes, in our bags and in our pockets with the likes of iMac, MacBook, iPod, iPhone and iPad. Hardly has any other individual in recent times been able to match what he accomplished in his life time and he will be remembered forever as a legend who mesmerized us with his captivating speeches and enriched our lives with technology that captured our hearts and made us love his products beyond any other product available.

Truthfully two of my most precious possessions are my MacBook Pro and my iPad 2. I can live without many other things, but my MacBook or my iPad 2 are with me almost 24/7, and if I was stranded on an desert island and had to choose what I could bring with me, apart from the most important people in my life, my family, who will always be my first priority, of all the things I could bring, I would choose my MacBook Pro and iPad 2 and pray there was an Internet connection.

My MacBook Pro and iPad 2 are really that important to me, because they enable me to store oceans of information, audio, video, music, pictures, e-books, apps etc, everything I am passionate about, value and treasure (again apart from my family), and Steve Jobs made that possible by bringing them in to this world. Of course I know that Steve Jobs didn’t invent the computer, but he made the computer a personal household item, especially targeted creative minded people who loves beautiful design, great graphics and simplicity without the hassle of stressing out trying to figure out how it all works, because it’s just that simple.

He was a true genius, really understood how to create a need and desire for his products, made it simple and user-friendly, so it continues to be a pleasure and joy to use it for hours on end. It’s plug and play with Apple, and never turning back, once an Apple user, always an Apple user, which is why I truly wish of all my heart that Steve Jobs’s successors have tapped in to his genius mind and learned the ropes, so Apple will continue to produce innovative, simple, user-friendly and beautiful designed products to satisfy my desire to be part of the Apple family for the rest of my life.

What Steve Jobs and Apple have managed to bring in to the world in the last 5-6 years is beyond amazing and pure brilliance of divine proportions, and apparently this quantum leap was brought about by Steve Jobs’s meet with mortality in 2005. Below is an extract from an article in Reuters.

– Two years before the gadget that forever transformed the way people around the world access and use the Internet, Jobs talked about how a sense of his mortality was a major driver behind that vision.

Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life,” Jobs said during a Stanford commencement ceremony in 2005.

“Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.”

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” – Reuters

Rest in peace Steve Jobs, you will go down in history as the most iconic, brilliant, mesmerizing technology genie and wizard that has ever lived and you will be remembered forever.

Watch or read Steve Jobs’s Stanford commencement ceremony speech at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc or http://business.blogs.cnn.com/2011/10/06/life-lessons-steve-jobs-on-steve-jobs/

Best wishes always,

Ghita

Sure, it’s a huge challenge for teachers to adopt new ways of teaching and there will be resistance and objections, because most people don’t want to change or don’t like change, and on top of this it’s really difficult to change our habits and the way we have done things for years, but it’s necessary in order to tap in to the brilliant minds of children to make room for new creative ideas and innovative thoughts to secure our future on planet Earth.

In one of Sir Ken Robinson’s videos, I can’t remember which one now, but I have included all the videos that I have watched this far below for your reference, he said that research has shown that some people think better on their feet, while moving around and people learn better in groups, while talking and sharing, and here we are in most school situations, where children are asked to sit still for hours on end, expected to work independently and be quiet throughout the lessons, all which goes directly against the nature of most people.

Why do we want to work against what has been proven to be a much more effective way of learning, just because that is how it has always been done?

What if the schools allowed the students, who can’t sit still for very long, to move around before an exercise in order for them to get the concepts in place in their heads first, so it only takes them minutes to complete the exercises, instead of struggling for a long time to complete it, and get in trouble for fiddling with their pen and for moving in their seat, because they can’t sit still and for being noisy?

What if the schools allowed the students to work in groups for even simple exercises or for what is considered individual class work and to talk about the work among themselves, if that actually improved their understanding of the concepts and made them work faster, or at least to complete the work within the given time-frame, while they are enjoying themselves at the same time?

What if the schools allowed the teachers to separate the students in to different groups based on the children’s primary and preferred learning styles i.e. visual, audio and kinesthetic learners, and if these children were taught the concepts based on their preferred learning style and if they sat together with other children with the same learning style and after the initial introduction of the concept and instruction helped each other to apply the concepts based on their preferred learning style and did the exercises together?

The benefits that could be achieved from implementing this are endless and it would really make a huge difference in the lives of our children and we would have so many more happy, thriving, creative, diligent, motivated and excited students in the schools and children at home.

I just love the way one of Sir Ken Robinson’s speeches is made in to a cartoon, which really enhances the message he is conveying. Do watch the video at the following link — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCbdS4hSa0s

Some of  Sir Ken Robinson’s videos are:

Changing Paradigms – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mCbdS4hSa0s

Bring on the learning revolution! – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LelXa3U_I&feature=relmfu

Do schools kill creativity? — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

Enjoy!

/Ghita

Can you imagine the explosion of great ideas and innovation that would come about as a result of a shift in the way we educated children and changed it to accommodate the millions of children, who don’t fit in with the conventional left brained education, but who would flourish, if we implemented conducive learning environments and learning styles in schools based on this knowledge presented in the video, and which would support and enhance children’s natural abilities to be creative and think out of the box?

It is indeed exciting what the future holds, if only more people were prepared to break free from conventional thinking and were willing to try new ways!

Check out the video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iG9CE55wbtY

My focus has always been on positive and progressive content, but this past year has had its challenges and I deviated slightly from this focus, hence I didn’t feel I had much to write about on my blog.

Of course there have been great things happening at TIS such as Tenby’s Got Talent in July, where the teachers and students really put in a lot of efforts and hard work to make it a successful and exciting talent show and other positive things happening at the school, but it has also been a year of reflection and I think the school needed time to get clear on its goals and how to move forward. A survey for the parents was conducted and discussions regarding the Parents Association took place during a couple of coffee mornings earlier this year, all of which I attended.

As an employer I can certainly relate to how challenging it is to get everything right, and it’s impossible to make everybody happy, because we come from different backgrounds and have different expectations of the school, but I think the school has to stand its grounds and move on with the vision and mission that they set out to achieve, and I trust that they are genuine in these pursuits, and I can certainly accept challenging times, as long as there are some progress to be seen and as long as the school is transparent and communicate with the parents regularly, so we are kept in the loop of what is happening at the school and as long as the school is open for discussions with the parents and are willing to listen.

It is therefore very exciting for me to see the positive changes and new developments that are currently taking place and are under way in Tenby International School and I feel I have good reason to give the school my 100% support, because they are really trying their very best to reach out to the parent community and to improving the school and themselves to show they are walking their talk. Tenby International School held its first coffee morning of the new academic year 2011/2012 on Monday 26th September 2011, which I attended and thought went very well and I will write about it soon, but I can tell that the school is progressing and new exciting times are in store.

However, for the remaining of this post I want to spend some time talking about communication, trust and expectations. Having studied communication and psychology, I know that we humans see and perceive things differently, so we might not have the same experience and perception of the school, but we ourselves are responsible for the way we perceive and approach the school, the management and the teachers and the way we are treated in return.

Nothing good is accomplished by approaching others with anger, disrespect, resentment or blame, as most people will immediately become defensive and react, sometimes inappropriately, which is very normal, as they are placed in a situation that is very uncomfortable for them. What we need to do is to genuinely acknowledge others for their efforts first and foremost, and emphasize on the positive aspects of their work and on what is going well, before bringing up issues that are of concern to us, presented in a calm, non-attacking and non-threatening manner and with emphasis on trying to find a win win solution for the benefit of all involved, because then people are more likely to help us.

We must first understand others and put ourselves in their shoes, before others are willing to understand us. It always comes from ourselves first, we must take responsibility for the way we communicate with others, and if we feel people misunderstand or mistreat us, we need to be honest with ourselves and try to figure out where we go wrong in our communication with others and then try to do it differently next time and try to improve our style of communication – the way we approach and talk with other people – until we feel understood and respected by them.

Of course the school has a responsibility to serve its “customers” and to work at fulfilling parents’ expectations, exactly what our clients expect of us, but we still need to approach the school in a friendly manner and with the right attitude, otherwise we won’t be successful with our requests.

The school is doing the best they can, and just like we would forgive our spouse for having a bad day, we have to forgive other people too, as the school management and teachers are under constant pressure to perform and live up to the parents’ expectations, and sometimes the pressure gets too much to bear, and as parents we need to step back and trust their ability to provide a good education to our children.

It’s fine to raise questions when in doubt, and give the school an opportunity to address our concerns, however we could choose to be open to the option that our concerns might be based on fears and worries about the future – what if our children won’t get the necessary knowledge, skills and results to enable them to further their studies and become successful – which is a very valid concern, but if we choose not to accept the school’s explanation and choose not to trust their ability to educate our children, regardless of what the school does then, they will never be able to live up to our expectations, because our concerns are based on fear of the future and the unknown, which only we ourselves can do something about.

So to conclude this posting, I encourage parents to trust Tenby International School and allow them room and time to work on the exciting new endeavours, which I will write more about soon.

Take care and have a pleasant day!

To peace, positivity and progression,

Ghita

On the Forum there are different topics posted on the page regularly that seeks people’s opinions, and yesterday I saw a comment by a mother, who said “I want to be a working mum. But how do I live with the guilt?”

I think most mothers feel guilt at times in various degrees, because as a mother we feel we have the main responsibility for our children’s well-being and welfare, and when mothers are not able to be with their children as much as they feel is right for them, it causes a lot of stress and anxiety, because they worry they will not be with their children enough to feel like a good enough mother and this prevents some mothers from working when they have children.

I know of workplaces where the employers are fine with employees going home, when they have worked the expected number of hours in their contract, whether it’s at 5 or 6pm depending on what time they arrive at work, but because there is always more work to do, colleagues staying back longer and late office meetings, it’s difficult for employees to go against the norm and go home “early”. It requires a mind shift in how people view work, themselves, family responsibilities and free time and courage to stay committed to what feels right for them, even when their colleagues stay longer at work than they do.

I believe that mothers who work and who are with their children enough to fulfill their own need to feel like a good mother, whatever that means for the individual, as it’s different from mother to mother, are not only good performers at work, because they are more focused and work more efficiently to complete their work on time to go home to their children, but they will also raise happier and emotionally well-functioning children, because when mothers feel good about themselves and what they are doing with their lives, it has a positive impact on their children and everybody else around them too.

It’s all about feeling good about the choices we make in our lives and staying committed to do the best we can for ourselves and our family, our employers and community.

However I think employers have to start thinking about the expectations they have to their employees, because in most jobs today, work never stops, there is always more to be done and more that can be done, but a healthy business and society must strike a healthy balance between what is reasonable to expect of work to be done by the individual employee to make a sound business and ensuring that employees don’t get sick from the stress of overworking themselves to meet unreasonable demands and the stress, anxiety and inadequacy that parents feel, because they don’t have enough time together with their children and spouses, which prevents them from having the emotional surplus and energy to be a patient and understanding parent and spouse. There are a lot of expectations on today’s parents, which are hard to fulfill, which I think is why we are seeing a rise in non-communicable diseases like high blood pressure and emotional and psychological problems, but because of the expectations, the fast pace and the desire to earn a comfortable living and doing their best to secure their children’s future, parents can hardly breathe before the next task is demanding their attention.

From a whole societal perspective it would be much better if workplaces were flexible enough to allow employees to work according to the work hours in their contract, as long as they live up to reasonable expectations, and it should not matter that a person arrives at work at 7-8am in the morning and leaves at 4-5pm or arrives at 9-10am and leaves at 6-7pm or later if they choose, as long as they perform the job they are supposed to, as they will spend less time stuck in traffic, which is good for the environment, but it will also give parents the option of planning their family life better to create a healthy environment for their children and themselves to flourish and prosper and live happy lives. This will also have a positive effect on the relationships between spouses, because their lives would be less stressful and they can do things that makes them happy together.

I think that companies that are able to offer this balance between work and free time to their employees will be more successful in the future, because I think that employees who are happier and healthier in mind and body are less sick and will do the best they can at work, because at some point people will realise that the wealth and status that might come from working harder and longer will not be worth the effort, if it comes at the expense of their own and their family’s health and well-being, and people will begin to settle for less luxurious lives, in order to live a happy and balanced life without anxiety, unhealthy stress and disease.

As a business owner I know that sometimes we need to work longer hours to meet a deadline or fulfill our promises to clients and that is okay, but we need to be able to prioritise our work and be more focused and effective in completing the tasks at hand, and not waste time on unnecessary distractions, which takes our mind away from what needs to be done. It should be possible to get one days work done in 7-8 hours, and if we can’t, it’s because we are not focused and productive enough in those 7-8 hours. In other words we allow ourselves to be distracted from the work we should be doing or are trying to stretch ourselves too much and beyond what is healthy for us.

We need rest to allow our mind and body to relax and recuperate by doing something else like exercising, spend time with our loved ones and/or friends and do things we love e.g. a hobby, reading, writing etc. as long as we are enjoying it. By working 12-16 hours daily and staying late at work every day all year round doesn’t make us more successful and I don’t think we accomplish more work or better results than we would, if we worked effectively for 8 hours a day or 40 hours spread out over a week. Some people even claim to work effectively for only 4 hours daily and still manage to live a comfortable life. So maybe it’s a paradigm shift in how we work and also what employers expect of results from each employee, as this of course has to be reasonable.

It was very nice, one of those times where we got to experience the best of our son, talkative, sharing, sweet and funny. One of those times when I got the opportunity to talk with him about personal and important things in his life, to leave my mark and values on him and give advice, which is considered with an open mind and without objection and rejection. I really love those times and I am grateful I took the time to sit down and talk and listen to him.

From now on I know that if I want to stay close to him during his teenage years, I just have to be willing to sit down and talk with him, when he asks, and not the other way round, when I want to, as it’s such a fine line with teenage boys, which can easily be overlooked with the result that our boys grow further and further away from us, because we don’t act often enough on these golden opportunities to talk and listen to them when they want to and understand that it’s important for boys at this age and older, my son is 13 years old, that they are and must be in charge on matters like this. A healthy sign according to most books on positive child development which, if encouraged and nurtured in the right way, will bring out a healthy, strong, considerate and responsible man.

And one of the best parts was that without asking my son, he shared with us exactly what I have been waiting to hear for so long. How his new school Tenby International School has the kind of atmosphere that makes him feel welcome, relaxed and heard as compared to tense, fearful and labelled in his old school, and how much he appreciates that the classroom is so big that there is plenty of room to move around, and how the sun shines through the big windows in such a way that it leaves a light so bright that it almost looks like a white aura around the teachers. A beautiful depiction of the perception he has of the friendly and positive approach that the teachers have towards the students. Exactly what I have always hoped that my children would experience in school, as it makes a world of difference to their motivation, experience, perception and belief about people and life and that it is indeed possible to create a learning environment that motivates even the playful and unfocused child to make an effort and think that learning can be fun, exciting and worthwhile.

And I asked him, so experiencing the atmosphere in this light, do you think it will motivate you to make a greater effort in your schoolwork, which was lacking in his old school, and he nodded. I want to be optimistic and believe him, but only time will show, although I truly hope that my own belief proves me right, that the atmosphere in a school plays a huge role in how students like my children are motivated to perform the best they can in their studies and at their best behaviour. Children need to be seen, heard and understood in the right way and they will be able to do and accomplish everything they put their minds to. And now I have two different people’s word for it, both my son and my daughter say that they can feel a difference in the atmosphere between Tenby and their old international school, Tenby, by far, is a much more positive, pleasant and desirable place of learning.

The library is managed by a full-time Librarian, who told me that not only does she manage the library and teaches the students how to use the library’s resources successfully, but she also teaches the students special skills such as how to do proper research, note taking techniques and much more. I am happy to have met the Librarian at Tenby International School, as I have faith in her abilities to teach my daughter the necessary skills required for her to do research and find the information she needs for her projects.

To empower students with this kind of knowledge is very important, as it will enable them to quickly find relevant and useful information and select the right information to be able to complete any task and solve any problem, they are required to do in future, both study and work wise.