My focus has always been on positive and progressive content, but this past year has had its challenges and I deviated slightly from this focus, hence I didn’t feel I had much to write about on my blog.

Of course there have been great things happening at TIS such as Tenby’s Got Talent in July, where the teachers and students really put in a lot of efforts and hard work to make it a successful and exciting talent show and other positive things happening at the school, but it has also been a year of reflection and I think the school needed time to get clear on its goals and how to move forward. A survey for the parents was conducted and discussions regarding the Parents Association took place during a couple of coffee mornings earlier this year, all of which I attended.

As an employer I can certainly relate to how challenging it is to get everything right, and it’s impossible to make everybody happy, because we come from different backgrounds and have different expectations of the school, but I think the school has to stand its grounds and move on with the vision and mission that they set out to achieve, and I trust that they are genuine in these pursuits, and I can certainly accept challenging times, as long as there are some progress to be seen and as long as the school is transparent and communicate with the parents regularly, so we are kept in the loop of what is happening at the school and as long as the school is open for discussions with the parents and are willing to listen.

It is therefore very exciting for me to see the positive changes and new developments that are currently taking place and are under way in Tenby International School and I feel I have good reason to give the school my 100% support, because they are really trying their very best to reach out to the parent community and to improving the school and themselves to show they are walking their talk. Tenby International School held its first coffee morning of the new academic year 2011/2012 on Monday 26th September 2011, which I attended and thought went very well and I will write about it soon, but I can tell that the school is progressing and new exciting times are in store.

However, for the remaining of this post I want to spend some time talking about communication, trust and expectations. Having studied communication and psychology, I know that we humans see and perceive things differently, so we might not have the same experience and perception of the school, but we ourselves are responsible for the way we perceive and approach the school, the management and the teachers and the way we are treated in return.

Nothing good is accomplished by approaching others with anger, disrespect, resentment or blame, as most people will immediately become defensive and react, sometimes inappropriately, which is very normal, as they are placed in a situation that is very uncomfortable for them. What we need to do is to genuinely acknowledge others for their efforts first and foremost, and emphasize on the positive aspects of their work and on what is going well, before bringing up issues that are of concern to us, presented in a calm, non-attacking and non-threatening manner and with emphasis on trying to find a win win solution for the benefit of all involved, because then people are more likely to help us.

We must first understand others and put ourselves in their shoes, before others are willing to understand us. It always comes from ourselves first, we must take responsibility for the way we communicate with others, and if we feel people misunderstand or mistreat us, we need to be honest with ourselves and try to figure out where we go wrong in our communication with others and then try to do it differently next time and try to improve our style of communication – the way we approach and talk with other people – until we feel understood and respected by them.

Of course the school has a responsibility to serve its “customers” and to work at fulfilling parents’ expectations, exactly what our clients expect of us, but we still need to approach the school in a friendly manner and with the right attitude, otherwise we won’t be successful with our requests.

The school is doing the best they can, and just like we would forgive our spouse for having a bad day, we have to forgive other people too, as the school management and teachers are under constant pressure to perform and live up to the parents’ expectations, and sometimes the pressure gets too much to bear, and as parents we need to step back and trust their ability to provide a good education to our children.

It’s fine to raise questions when in doubt, and give the school an opportunity to address our concerns, however we could choose to be open to the option that our concerns might be based on fears and worries about the future – what if our children won’t get the necessary knowledge, skills and results to enable them to further their studies and become successful – which is a very valid concern, but if we choose not to accept the school’s explanation and choose not to trust their ability to educate our children, regardless of what the school does then, they will never be able to live up to our expectations, because our concerns are based on fear of the future and the unknown, which only we ourselves can do something about.

So to conclude this posting, I encourage parents to trust Tenby International School and allow them room and time to work on the exciting new endeavours, which I will write more about soon.

Take care and have a pleasant day!

To peace, positivity and progression,

Ghita

To me the article is very inspiring because it not only gives ideas for self help but it also give parents ideas and advice on how to communicate with our children to create the most positive impact on their mind-set for future success and to better withstand setbacks, which of course is one of my biggest priorities as a parent, to help my children develop the necessary life skills to better cope with the challenges their face in life, and is the reason for emphasizing on this in this posting.

It’s not new to me, but it’s always great to be reminded about it, as we so easily forget and fall back on our usual style of parenting, which may not always be the most beneficial and effective way, so I hope the examples provided in the article will strengthen my ability to be even better at communicating with my children.

Here goes:

Make up your mind to succeed

Well-intentioned parents have unwittingly left their kids defenseless against failure. The current generation of millennials (born between 1980 and 2001) grew up playing sports where scores and performance were downplayed because “everyone’s a winner.” And their report cards had more positive spin than an AIG press release. As a result, Stanford University psychologist Carol Dweck, PhD, calls them the “overpraised generation.” Fortunately, once you understand the situation, there’s some quick corrective action that can be taken. And even if you’re well past your child-rearing years, her advice will help you better withstand setbacks.

Dweck has been studying how people handle failure for 40 years. Her research has led her to identify two distinct mind-sets that dramatically influence how we react to it. Here’s how they work:

A fixed mind-set is grounded in the belief that talent is genetic–you’re a born artist, point guard, or numbers person. The fixed mind-set believes it’s entitled to success without much effort and regards failure as a personal affront. When things get tough, it’s quick to blame, withdraw, lie, and even avoid future challenge or risk.

Conversely, a growth mind-set assumes that no talent is entirely heaven-sent and that effort and learning make everything possible. Because the ego isn’t on the line as much, the growth mind-set sees failure as opportunity rather than insult. When challenged, it’s quick to reassess, adjust, and try again. In fact, it relishes this process.

We are all born with growth mind-sets. (Otherwise, we wouldn’t be able to survive in the world.) But parents, coaches, and teachers often push us into fixed mind-sets by rewarding certain behaviors and misdirecting praise. Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and online instructional program, brainology.us, explain this in depth. But she says there are many little things you can start doing today to guarantee that your kids, grandkids, and even you never get derailed by failure.

FOR KIDS
In school
Never compliment a child by saying “You’re so smart” or “You picked that up so quickly.” Instead, praise effort or strategy by saying “That was clever of you to take that approach” or “I’m proud of your persistence.” Listen for similar remarks from teachers and correct them.

In sports
Instead of “You’re a natural,” say “Practice is really making you better.” Instead of inquiring “Did you win?” ask “Did you give your best effort?” Explains Dweck, “Talent isn’t passed down in the genes; it’s passed down in the mind-set.”

At the dinner table
Instead of the standard “How was your day?” (which everyone dreads anyway), ask “What did you learn today?” or “What mistakes did you make that taught you something?” Describe with zeal something you’re struggling with. “Instill a passion for learning,” says Dweck.

In making plans for the future
Don’t just ask about goals; ask about the plan for reaching those goals.

In frustration
Don’t permit children to refer to themselves as losers, failures, stupid, or clumsy. “Never let failure progress from an action to an identity,” says Dweck. Likewise, don’t label your kids. Don’t say this one is the artist, and this one is the computer geek. Anyone can be anything.

In doubt
If you encounter skepticism, ask the child to think of areas in which she once had low ability and now excels, or to recall a time when she saw someone learn something or improve in ways not thought possible.

FOR YOU
At work
Instead of letting salary, benefits, and status define job satisfaction, ask yourself if you’re still learning. If the answer is yes, then you’re fortunate to have a job that encourages a growth mind-set. View its challenges as opportunities rather than stress. If you’ve stopped learning, then consider looking either for new avenues of growth or for another job.

In relationships
Blame never resolves anything. It’s merely the fixed mind-set insisting that you’re right. The next time you’re tempted to blame, says Dweck, remember that “the whole point of marriage is to encourage each other’s development.”

When feeling down
People who are depressed tend to believe that’s just the way they are. Instead of viewing yourself as a failed end product, think of yourself as a temporarily derailed work in progress. “We usually think of personality as something very stable,” says Dweck, “but we’re finding that even core parts of it can be changed by shifting mind-sets.”

Follow the link to read the full article at http://www.rd.com and for the above tips: Make up your mind to succeed.

It is a very healthy exercise, as it forces and teaches children to look beyond the surface and imperfections of other people and think of something nice to write about their friends. Let’s hope they remember to remind themselves to focus on the compliments they gave to their friends in future, although this exercise probably has to be repeated on a regular basis to create an impact on the children’s mind-set for life-long changes.

I recommend that this exercise is done once a term or even more often to train the children to shift their mind-set to positive thinking instead of dwelling on negativity. I would also love this exercise to be developed further into other areas of positive thinking skills, such as learning how to see both sides of the coin i.e. both sides of an argument, a conflict, a problem etc. and how to create win win solutions and solve problems with a positive frame of mind and with everybody’s best interests at heart.

Kudos to Sophia’s teacher in year 5 at Tenby International School.