Gaonomics

I have never been content with the way things are and since I was young I have been reading lots of books and information on the Internet on how to improve this and that and after 30 years of constant seeking new information to increase my knowledge and improve my skills, I still feel like a novice with so much more to learn. It’s like a never-ending story, there is always new information to read and new knowledge to absorb, but I love it, my brain must be addicted to new information and knowledge and I gobble it up like a cheetah that hasn’t eaten for days and if one day go without some form of feeding my brain with information, I feel something is missing in my life.

The information I seek is not just any kind of information, but it obviously has to be connected to my interests in self improvement, so the first criteria is that it must be something I can relate to at my current level of consciousness and something I feel I can use and act on.

What is interesting is that even with that much information in my brain, it’s good for nothing if I don’t apply it and act on it in some way. And here is the difficult part, making the shift from knowing to doing. It is so easy to know a lot of things, but actually implementing it and act on this information and knowledge is where the bridge is sometimes broken.

To get an idea of what I am talking about, imagine a bridge, a large bridge, one which is long enough so you can’t jump across it. The bridge is surrounded by the sea, so you can imagine any large bridge which is there to connect land. In the middle of this bridge, part of it is missing, so you can’t cross the bridge, you can’t jump across or walk or drive around it, you are stuck, you can’t move forward. You could go back, and try to find another bridge, but what if you can’t cross the next bridge you find either and so forth. You could go home, but you know that the other side of the bridge offers you what you always wanted, so you could never rest, because you couldn’t be content with that knowledge and knowing you could never get it, so you set out to figure out what you should do to patch the bridge so you can cross it.

This untiring search for more information and knowledge is what this is about. It is about finding the missing link to connect what you know with taking action on it and walking the talk. This is not an easy quest, as I will describe later.

Slowly you will begin to see patterns and possibilities for patching the bridge but the catch is that the patch, which will bring you to the other side of the bridge, is invisible while you are patching the bridge, so you can’t see it’s being reconnected, and trying to cross the invisible patch may send you straight in to the sea and you may drown, so you are too scared of even trying to cross. Only when you have reached the point when your knowledge has become an integral part of you and you are able to act on your knowledge on a consistent basis, will the patch on the bridge apprear clear and you can walk across it.

For many years I have been trying to patch the bridges in different areas of my life and some are closer to being connected than others and others again have already been connected. The thing is that much of it comes down to how we were raised. What was said and done to us have a huge influence on how slow or how fast we are able to connect and cross the bridges.

Let me give you an example. I was raised by wonderful parents who loved me and did the very best they could to give me a good start in life. In addition to giving me love, attention etc etc. they also passed on beliefs about life in general and about specific things that they believed to be true, either through own experience or through their parents, grandparents, teachers, society and others who had an impact on their lives. The problem is that some of these beliefs might have been true for them, but might not be true for those who they passed these beliefs to. You see when we are children, up until 6 years of age, we are like sponges, we absorb everything that goes on around us, we take over the beliefs that others around us believe and the programs they are running, because we observe and feel it by the way they treated us and others.

As adults we run the same programs as we were raised with and without being aware of it, it’s impossible to change those beliefs and programs. As an example, this means that if our mother or father had a tendency to nag at us all the time to do things, when we were kids, we will treat our own kids the same way. It’s like a tape recorder that is being played over and over again, which we cannot interrupt, because it sits in our subconscious mind. To interrupt this tape recorder, we need to become aware and be able to identify the moments when we are running the tape recorder and stop up and ask ourselves, if we really believe that this way of treating our children is the right way to get them to do the things we want them to do.

This of course requires a lot of self insight and a lot of knowledge about alternative ways of raising children, so first step is to read good books about raising children, so you know there are other ways to raise your children, if you find that you are not getting the outcome you wish and if you are tired of having to nag at your children and not seeing any effect.

But connecting this knowledge with the bridge we imagined earlier, is the challenge, because in the heat of the moment, or if we are tired, stressed, angry or just not present and aware, the tape recorder takes over the show, because it’s easier, whereas being aware needs conscious effort which is tiring.

For a long time, many years in fact, I have struggled to ignore my tape recorder and challenged my beliefs and it’s an ongoing effort, as our subconscious mind is ever so strong, but it’s possible to change the paradigms – programs and beliefs – if you know how to and make a conscious effort continuously and don’t give up when it gets challenging.

It’s easy to notice what others do wrong, and it’s getting easier to recognise where I go wrong, but without awareness we won’t improve our abilities to be better parents and break free from our past beliefs and programs and the tape recorder, which might not serve us now, especially not if our beliefs are limiting us from progressing in the areas of our life that we want to.

I don’t believe in nagging at my children so I don’t nag, but I try to find other ways to motivate them to do what they are supposed to do. One of my children is self driven and pro-active, so there is no need for monitoring or motivation, as it happens naturally, but my other child needs constant reminding and monitoring and it takes a completely different set of communication skills and mentoring approach to see the results we want, because the parenting style we were raised with is not effective or sufficient today and much more self awareness is required of us to be able to teach and enable our child to do well.

All children are different and therefore need to be treated differently to bring out the best in them. One child can be sensitive while the other child is not, and therefore the same style of parenting doesn’t work on both children and different approaches are needed, but it’s challenging for parents beause we need to learn completely new methods, while at the same time trying to tame the lion, our sub conscious mind, which will fight against us trying to do things in a new and different way, which I might write about another day.

So tying it all together, in my experience it’s a long journey and process to cross the bridge from running the tape recorder to becoming aware consciously of what we are doing on a subconscious level to shifting and changing the paradigms (past beliefs and programs) to actually start running new programs based on new beliefs and knowledge, which serve us and our children better.

In celebration of awareness and progress,

Ghita