Gaonomics

The other day I couldn’t get much information out of my son, as I mentioned in my earlier posting, but I suppose he was quite tired after all the excitement of starting in a new school. But then I realised last night after talking with him for an hour at bedtime that it’s not about him not wanting to share things with me, but me asking him at the wrong time, when he is not in the mood for talking. It’s not that we never talked before, but I suppose it only appeared to me at a conscious level now and I really understood that if I want him to share things with me, I have to be there and ready to spend time with him, when he is ready to talk and share things with me. And although it took some persuasion on the part of my son to get me to sit down on his bed next to him, while he was playing guitar, as I had other things to do like ironing their uniforms, “still wondering why I can’t get them to do it”, and other things too. But then I obliged and we ended up talking for an hour, which his father later joined as well.

It was very nice, one of those times where we got to experience the best of our son, talkative, sharing, sweet and funny. One of those times when I got the opportunity to talk with him about personal and important things in his life, to leave my mark and values on him and give advice, which is considered with an open mind and without objection and rejection. I really love those times and I am grateful I took the time to sit down and talk and listen to him.

From now on I know that if I want to stay close to him during his teenage years, I just have to be willing to sit down and talk with him, when he asks, and not the other way round, when I want to, as it’s such a fine line with teenage boys, which can easily be overlooked with the result that our boys grow further and further away from us, because we don’t act often enough on these golden opportunities to talk and listen to them when they want to and understand that it’s important for boys at this age and older, my son is 13 years old, that they are and must be in charge on matters like this. A healthy sign according to most books on positive child development which, if encouraged and nurtured in the right way, will bring out a healthy, strong, considerate and responsible man.

And one of the best parts was that without asking my son, he shared with us exactly what I have been waiting to hear for so long. How his new school Tenby International School has the kind of atmosphere that makes him feel welcome, relaxed and heard as compared to tense, fearful and labelled in his old school, and how much he appreciates that the classroom is so big that there is plenty of room to move around, and how the sun shines through the big windows in such a way that it leaves a light so bright that it almost looks like a white aura around the teachers. A beautiful depiction of the perception he has of the friendly and positive approach that the teachers have towards the students. Exactly what I have always hoped that my children would experience in school, as it makes a world of difference to their motivation, experience, perception and belief about people and life and that it is indeed possible to create a learning environment that motivates even the playful and unfocused child to make an effort and think that learning can be fun, exciting and worthwhile.

And I asked him, so experiencing the atmosphere in this light, do you think it will motivate you to make a greater effort in your schoolwork, which was lacking in his old school, and he nodded. I want to be optimistic and believe him, but only time will show, although I truly hope that my own belief proves me right, that the atmosphere in a school plays a huge role in how students like my children are motivated to perform the best they can in their studies and at their best behaviour. Children need to be seen, heard and understood in the right way and they will be able to do and accomplish everything they put their minds to. And now I have two different people’s word for it, both my son and my daughter say that they can feel a difference in the atmosphere between Tenby and their old international school, Tenby, by far, is a much more positive, pleasant and desirable place of learning.