Gaonomics

I came across an article on BBC Online today called Self-help ‘makes you feel worse’ and thought it was a very interesting study that had been done, because it helps explain why positive affirmations, positive phrases that you say to yourself repeatedly, e.g. “I am a lovable person” seem to be rather ineffective on most people or may even have the opposite effect and make people with a low self-esteem feel worse, as the study suggests.

Many years ago, when my self-esteem needed a boost, I tried using positive affirmations, but something in me objected to the words I was saying, probably because I didn’t believe them, and I stopped saying them. I have always believed in the power of positive thinking to achieve the things I wanted in life, but this study explains why positive affirmations are not an effective way to feel better about yourself nor will it increase your self-esteem or self confidence and that other tools and measures are needed.

When my children were small I read a book that explained the difference between self-esteem and self confidence and since then I have always been focused on trying to raise my children with a high self-esteem, as I believe it’s very important. Simply put, self-esteem is what you feel and think of yourself as a person – who you are and self confidence is what you think of your abilities – what you can do.

You can have a lot of self confidence without a high self-esteem, but if you have a high self-esteem, the chances are that you also have some degree of self confidence and it’s easier to increase your self confidence with just small achievements, if you have a high self-esteem. Basically self-esteem is built or damaged during childhood by the way parents raise their children and is the way a person is brought up to believe, think and feel about him- or herself. Self confidence is built by the accomplishments a person experiences in life.

It’s actually possible for a person who experiences a lot of success in life and who appears to have a lot of self confidence to be unhappy and feel unworthy, because they have a low self-esteem. Not even a million dollars or other personal success can make a person with a low self-esteem feel good about themselves, which is why they can never rest and do nothing, because the only way they can feel good about themselves is when they accomplish even more as their happiness is directly linked with how much they achieve.

People with a high self-esteem have the ability to comfort themselves, when they feel bad, without punishing themselves in a self destructive manner and will quickly bounce back from failures to try again and also feel happier in life in general regardless of their accomplishments. But there are various degrees of self-esteem, as it would be very difficult or perhaps impossible for people with a very low self-esteem to even begin to build self confidence to achieve the successes they need to gain more self confidence and even more success and happiness in life.

This is why it is so important that parents take an active role and interest in their children’s lives, and are willing to change their ways of raising their children, if their ways are not contributing towards building their children’s self-esteem. Raising your children with a high self-esteem is the finest and most important gift you can give your children.

This is a very interesting topic, which I will write about again another day.

The article goes:

Bridget Jones is not alone in turning to self-help mantras to boost her spirits, but a study warns they may have the opposite effect.

Canadian researchers found those with low self-esteem actually felt worse after repeating positive statements about themselves.

They said phrases such as “I am a lovable person” only helped people with high self-esteem.

The study appears in the journal Psychological Science. 

A UK psychologist said people based their feelings about themselves on real evidence from their lives. The suggestion people should “help themselves” to feel better was first mooted by Victorian Samuel Smiles 150 years ago.

His book, called simply “Self Help”, sold a quarter of a million copies and included guidance such as: “Heaven helps those who help themselves”. Self-help is now a multi-billion pound global industry.

‘Contradictory thoughts’

The researchers, from the University of Waterloo and the University of New Brunswick, asked people with high and low self-esteem to say “I am a lovable person.”

They then measured the participants’ moods and their feelings about themselves.

In the low self-esteem group, those who repeated the mantra felt worse afterwards compared with others who did not.

However people with high self-esteem felt better after repeating the positive self-statement – but only slightly.

The psychologists then asked the study participants to list negative and positive thoughts about themselves.

They found that, paradoxically, those with low self-esteem were in a better mood when they were allowed to have negative thoughts than when they were asked to focus exclusively on affirmative thoughts.

Writing in the journal, the researchers suggest that, like overly positive praise, unreasonably positive self-statements, such as “I accept myself completely,” can provoke contradictory thoughts in individuals with low self-esteem.

Such negative thoughts can overwhelm the positive thoughts.

If people are instructed to focus exclusively on positive thoughts, negative thoughts might be especially discouraging.

Real life

The researchers, led by psychologist Joanne Wood, said: “Repeating positive self-statements may benefit certain people, such as individuals with high self-esteem, but backfire for the very people who need them the most.” 

However, they say positive thinking can help when it is part of a broader programme of therapy. 

Simon Delsthorpe, a psychologist with Bradford District Care Trust and spokesman for the British Psychological Society, said self-esteem was based on a range of real life factors, and that counselling to build confidence – rather than telling yourself things are better than they are – was the solution. 

“These are things like, do you have close family relationships, a wide network of friends, employment and appearance. “If you’re not close to your parents, don’t have many friends, are unemployed and are unhappy with your appearance, it might be hard to have high self-esteem. 

“But if your experience is the reverse of that it would be much easier to say ‘I’m OK’ and believe that.”

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk