This post is a response to my earlier posting “When do teachers cross the line of what is unacceptable behaviour?” and I think it gives some interesting points and would be a good benchmark for what parents should be expecting from their kids’ school and teachers in 2009. It may even serve as an encouragement to parents to report of any incidences at school that don’t serve their children’s emotional and mental health and development well.
But before you continue reading, please note that these postings regarding teachers are concerning all schools and teachers everywhere in the world and are not linked to Tenby International School per se. It only serves as a discussion about the expectations that parents of today have of our children’s school and teachers, and how we think that the knowledge we know today about how important children’s emotional and mental health and psychological development is, should be an integral part of a school’s philosophy and methodology.
I bring it as a new posting instead of a comment, as it deserves a central place in the weblog.
Posted by Maria Stahlberg;
I’ve read your posting more than once…I think you raise some great questions here. Our kids are so lonely out there, in total control or in the power of the teachers.
Any teacher that verbally abuses a child is ALWAYS in the wrong. The teachers are “leaders of the community”, and are teaching our children to grow up as good, caring human beings. By verbally abusing any child, that is no longer the case. The teacher is at fault. If you accept such a responsible position as it is to educate and change things to the better for the next generation, you must know more ways to reach the child if it is not behaving or doing what is expected of it.
To bully a child in front of the whole class, is a police report in the making if you ask me. As for me, my stand on this is, when I put my child in a school I trust that school to keep my child safe from harm from other children AND from harm of any adult. I also expect them to do the same for the other children and adults in regards to my child-so he/she do not harm anyone else.
IF the school can not do this, they will no longer have the right to teach my child. They have failed.
For some this can seem very harsh, but if you have ever seen a child whose self esteem has been completely thrashed by a school system, and teachers, and the attitudes you can find there…this is no longer an option to bargain or be nice. It is very difficult and a long process to get that child back on track again.
I pay for this service, to have my child educated in a good way, either through taxes or in a private school. I can put that money elsewhere if I see the teachers or the school are at fault.
A human life, and a growing one at that, is just too precious to be toyed with and left at the whim of others. As with everything, RESPECT is something that is earned, it is not given because money is paid out to some institution..
When teachers result to name calling, shouting, using bad words in the class room, walks out on the kids..I for one thinks that teacher needs to seriously sit down and rethink what they are doing. Are they in the right job?
That to me are all huge NO’s to do. RESPECT is earned. How can you expect these kids to respect you IF you treat them like that?
You can not have others keep order, if you yourself can’t keep it.
When things get tough in the class room, most of the time it’s because the teacher is not capable to keep order. They lack that expertise. If they had a true interest in each child, they would quickly know who should sit next to who, and who should not. They should also know how each child works, and support them where help is needed. If they do not do this or at least attempt to, that teacher either haven’t got a clue what they are doing OR think they are very important. To keep order is not difficult, if there is an honest give and take between the teacher and the children in the class room.
There is nothing better to keep order than FIRM RULES. With these, everyone knows what is expected of them, and where the boundary is for right and wrong. Keeps order and calm in a class room…
I think the best we can do for our children is to teach them that there is ALWAYS two choices in every situation or thing that happens. It is a positive OR a negative choice. To help them see this, and learn to choose the positive choice, will take them very far and make them strong. They will trust themselves and that will help against-or with- many things.
Keep an eye on this.
My five-or one-cents worth,
Maria
I’m totally agree with Maria on this issue. I was discussing with my husband yesterday regarding Ghita’s posting on “When do teachers cross the line of unexpected behaviour”. We both agreed that verbally abuses like name calling and shouting in the class, walking out from the class to protest are not appropriate for a professional in education.
Name calling by other children is already hurting, I cannot imagine if this is coming from the child’s teacher. If the teacher him/herself set a bad example in the class, all the classmates will just follow and do the same to the poor child.
If there is such a teacher in the school, we must bring up to the school’s attention immediately.
Regards,
Yvonne
From Ghita:
Dear Yvonne,
Many thanks for your comment! Please let me clarify and assure you that the posting is not describing any particular episode at Tenby International School, as we are very pleased with TIS thus far. The reason for raising the issue is because of past experiences with another school and from listening to other parents whose children have been or are being treated like this by their teachers in their schools. So I wanted to write about this issue to raise the questions of when the teachers cross the line of unacceptable behaviour and when it must be brought up to the school’s attention, so that parents know the importance of listening to their children about what happens to them and their fellow students in school – as children also suffer from seeing their friends mistreated – and if they are exposed to any kind of verbal abuse or bullying or other mistreatment from their teachers, parents must know that they have the right to speak up and demand that this kind of behaviour is stopped immediately.
Surprisingly many parents accept this kind of behaviour from teachers without ever bringing it up with their children’s school, but I feel it’s about time that we expect more from the people that take on the ever so important job of educating our children, hence the reason for bringing it up.
By: Yvonne Tham on May 14, 2009
at 12:32 pm
Both my husband and I are very pleased with the school and our sincere appreciation to Ms.Jane, Mrs.Dhadli, Mr.Dinesh, Mr.Mark, Mr.Alan, Ms.Marie, the art teacher, the bm teacher for the great effort put in when nurturing the children. THUMBS UP as a good leader like Ms.Jane will certainly lead her fort to the right harbour. Thank you and our girl just can’t wait to return to school.
From Ghita: Many thanks indeed for your comment. I am glad to hear that your daughter is happy at Tenby like my daughter, who also can’t wait to return to school for the new year. And I agree with you, all the teachers are very good and done well with our children, thus deserve the recognition. Enjoy the rest of the holidays!
By: Mrs. Jeremiah on August 13, 2009
at 12:55 am
I am experiencing the same problems with my son’s school. He was told that he would be fingerprinted in a few years. He was written up for hugging a student and given detention. Later he found out that several female students were called down and questioned whether they feared him or if he touched them inappropriately. This is all a result of me trying to do the right thing and wrote to the Board of Ed. NOW HE IS BEING HARRASSED AND VERBALLY ABUSED. His friend informed him that she didn’t complain, but the teacher was persuading her to say she was uncomfortable. The ISS teacher gave my son her truck keys to get her cell phine out of the car and then when I complained about that, she accused him of lying!
From Ghita: Dear Leondra, my sincere apologies for not responding to your comments earlier, unfortunately I have been too busy these past couple of months. Since it’s been a while you wrote, I truly hope that things have improved, because it’s such a devastating situation to be in when everything our child does is misunderstood and punished and even experience a sort of witch hunt, is verbally abused, harassed and bullied. I am so sorry it’s happening to your son, and even though I am in favour of giving people a second chance to change their attitude and behaviour towards a child, I am not convinced that they ever will, if a child is already severely fingerprinted, as many people will be stuck in their thought patterns and never admit they did something wrong. Some people will and some people wont, but to make school life tolerable for children, practically all teachers have to be supportive, because even one teacher who bullies can have devastating effects on the child’s development, progress and self-esteem. That we moved our son to another school was the best thing we ever did for him, as he got a second chance to show who he really was and is much more appreciated and understood in his new school. Perhaps you need to consider whether a move is also the best option for your son.
By: Leondra Bray on November 14, 2009
at 3:01 pm
Well, I really wish you can represent me. I’ve told the principal I’ve been verbally abused. I have evidence of it. But she doesn’t wish to do anything. The teacher called me pathetic, hopeless, unsuccessful and said I deserved to be yelled at. I got suspended for sticking up for myself. Procedures don’t really count. The only rule that counts is the one that doesn’t exist; the student is always wrong. It’s very depressing. I’ve lost all faith in society now. My father agrees with them. He doesn’t know about the verbal abuse. I don’t think he’ll care. What’s funny, is that a student would get hammered for saying those things to a teacher; because the teachers don’t come here to be abused. Likwise for me, but…no. Oh well, at least a parent here cares enough to write about it. Makes me feel a bit better, because you confirmed to me it is wrong, thankyou.
From Ghita: Many thanks for sharing your story with me. It breaks my heart that the adults around you don’t try to understand what you are going through and want to help you. Regardless of what you respond back to them, you are only trying to defend yourself and your feelings, and a considerate and caring adult would notice that. The problem with many adults are that they tend to focus on the things that they don’t like about a child rather than seeing the whole person, which is a shame because everybody has positive sides/attributes/qualities as well, we just have to look for it and make up our mind to focus on the good sides instead of the bad sides. But most often the problem is that once a child is marked/branded as behaving in a “bad” way in the eyes of the adults, it’s very difficult to get out of this role.
The teachers of my son’s old school was perceiving my son in a very unsupportive way and had branded him as playful, disturbing, too talkative etc. which was the reason we moved him to Tenby International school, where the approach is different, as the teachers try their best to understand and help the children, and my son doesn’t have this problem anymore, and is much happier now.
Verbal abuse is a very delicate matter, as most people don’t acknowledge the damage it causes to the abused person and most often think that the person should just toughen up and ignore it. Many children would feel very sad and keep quiet and cry for themselves and suffer in silence, while others try to protect themselves by standing up for themselves and speak up. Please don’t ever lose hope and faith, because it may be a good opportunity for you to learn a new skill.
I have a book on the subject, which teaches some simple techniques that can be used in situations such as verbal abuse. What is good about the book is that it emphasises on the importance of not keeping the fighting going but speak up in an assertive way that makes you feel strong and empowered and happy for being able to say something without getting into a verbal fight with the other person. The book is published by American Girl and the title is Standing Up for Yourself and Your Friends.
I understand that it’s not easy for you when not even the adults around you want to support and help you deal with the verbal abuse. Most likely it’s because they themselves don’t even know how to deal with it, as verbal abuse is so difficult to address as it’s always your word against others and can be very subtle yet very hurtful and is therefore still a very serious matter. However regardless of that your teacher has no right to say these things to you and if your father can’t help you, try to find another adult in your family or a good family friend that you can trust and tell him/her about it and ask for their help in dealing with the problem.
The way I teach my children is first of all to empower them with knowledge and tools to deal with the problems themselves for instance by using the tips from the book, as it empowers them, makes them stronger and more competent and confident in letting other people know that they won’t accept such behaviour from other people, but if you are unable to solve it on your own, the book recommends that you get help from a trusted adult. Perhaps there is another teacher in your school that you like and trust that you could ask for help.
You are a strong person and a survivor because you are already able to stand up for yourself and speak up, which is good. Now you just need to learn how to use this talent, ability and skill and make it work for you to your advantage by learning how to speak up in an assertive way to gain the respect you deserve.
I wish you well and the best of luck and I hope my answer can be of some help to you.
By: Lexis on February 4, 2010
at 9:28 am
[...] I wrote back to her and I hope my response was useful to her in some way. You can read my reply here. [...]
By: Stand up for yourself and your friends « Gaonomics on February 11, 2010
at 2:37 am